Donald Duck has always had something to hide. He’s clearly in possession of a penis, as pointed out a million times before that, when he’s taken a shower, he emerges with a towel wrapped around his lower half. However, when in public, he’s a degenerate. A flasher. Baring his feathery bollocks and proudly displaying his Anatidae penis to anyone in eye-shot. Of course, it’s people’s lack of reaction that sends Donald Duck into one of his famous furious rages. However, things have taken an even more sinister twist as Donald Duck has been accused of molesting women by groping at their baps with his horrible wing/hand hybrid. That’s right kiddiekins… a Delaware County woman is claiming that Donald Duck has wandering hands. While she was at a Disney theme park, she found Mr D. Duck trying it on with her, presumably under the impression that the law doesn’t apply to grotesque duck/human hybrid accidents. April Magolon was vacationing at Walt Disney World in May 2008 with her fiancé and young children. While carrying one of her offspring, she approached Donald Duck and asked him for an autograph. Magolon claims that Duck grabbed her breast, molested her, “and then made gestures making a joke indicating he had done something wrong.” The list of ailments that arise from being titted up by Donald Duck, probably thanks to some strand of bird flu, are long and painful to read. April (of course, another famous April… O’Neill… was molested by some mutant turtles in a sewer some years ago which saw the release of her now infamous book ‘Splinter Stood And Watched’) filed a suit claiming the incident ruined her vacation and caused her severe physical injury, emotional anguish, and distress. Not only that, the encounter left her with post-traumatic stress disorder, headaches, nausea, flashbacks, and a digestive problem. So, according to the lawsuit, what appears to be happening here is that this poor woman is writhing around in agony and filled with horrible mental anguish which has left with what your mother might describe as ‘a stomach complaint’. Of course, this isn’t the first time a Disney character has been accused of such a thing. In 2004, a 13-year-old girl was fondled by Tigger at Magic Kingdom’s Toon Town. In total, authorities received 24 similar complaints. Tigger was acquitted of charges, but people still mutter about how much he changed since Disney started to draw him differently from the ones in the A. A. Milne books. Wait. What? They’re men dressed in suits? Oh god… this is awful. *prepares noose* The person inside the Donald Duck outfit, of course, denies the charges. Okay lawyer? Just putting this in there on the off-chance you fail to see that this is meant to be a joke.
Donald Duck has always had something to hide. He’s clearly in possession of a penis, as pointed out a million times before that, when he’s taken a shower, he emerges with a towel wrapped around his lower half. However, when in public, he’s a degenerate. A flasher. Baring his feathery bollocks and proudly displaying his Anatidae penis to anyone in eye-shot. Of course, it’s people’s lack of reaction that sends Donald Duck into one of his famous furious rages. However, things have taken an even more sinister twist as Donald Duck has been accused of molesting women by groping at their baps with his horrible wing/hand hybrid. That’s right kiddiekins… a Delaware County woman is claiming that Donald Duck has wandering hands. While she was at a Disney theme park, she found Mr D. Duck trying it on with her, presumably under the impression that the law doesn’t apply to grotesque duck/human hybrid accidents. April Magolon was vacationing at Walt Disney World in May 2008 with her fiancé and young children. While carrying one of her offspring, she approached Donald Duck and asked him for an autograph. Magolon claims that Duck grabbed her breast, molested her, “and then made gestures making a joke indicating he had done something wrong.” The list of ailments that arise from being titted up by Donald Duck, probably thanks to some strand of bird flu, are long and painful to read. April (of course, another famous April… O’Neill… was molested by some mutant turtles in a sewer some years ago which saw the release of her now infamous book ‘Splinter Stood And Watched’) filed a suit claiming the incident ruined her vacation and caused her severe physical injury, emotional anguish, and distress. Not only that, the encounter left her with post-traumatic stress disorder, headaches, nausea, flashbacks, and a digestive problem. So, according to the lawsuit, what appears to be happening here is that this poor woman is writhing around in agony and filled with horrible mental anguish which has left with what your mother might describe as ‘a stomach complaint’. Of course, this isn’t the first time a Disney character has been accused of such a thing. In 2004, a 13-year-old girl was fondled by Tigger at Magic Kingdom’s Toon Town. In total, authorities received 24 similar complaints. Tigger was acquitted of charges, but people still mutter about how much he changed since Disney started to draw him differently from the ones in the A. A. Milne books. Wait. What? They’re men dressed in suits? Oh god… this is awful. *prepares noose* The person inside the Donald Duck outfit, of course, denies the charges. Okay lawyer? Just putting this in there on the off-chance you fail to see that this is meant to be a joke.
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